Carrot and rabbit

Whahaha....i realised i hadn't blogged for 3 years? And kinda stumbled upon my blog again and realise they locked my blog until i had to retrieve the password again. Read my previous blogs....and realise so much has changed and i was so much immature years ago. Don't think anyone stumble upon my blog....if you do, pls let me know.

Anyway kinda wanna blog tonite...so much has changed recently....oh...she came back into my life....perhaps after i stopped blogging or should i say came in and out repeatedly. Always during the holidays...and never a 2nd time. Its like hanging a carrot in front of a rabbit and after it has a bite, you keep the carrot till maybe the next time you feel it deserve it again....making the rabbit wonder what wrong has it done. Hmm...dun realli blame her....its my overindulgence rather than she leading me on. Isaac was right...I shldnt make excuses for her when I don't even noe her or she didnt even give me any clearer signs of progressing. But anyway, still learning to refrain from biting the carrot or even refusing to look at it. In search of cabbages or other veg to prove they are better than carrots...haha...Anyhow...I rem she said "Do you think I will get attached first or you?" Though then i wanted to very much say "together", i refrained...perhaps a wrong decision but nevertheless I tink i know you don't have feelings for me, perhaps not even the slightest. Makes me wonder if anything happen to me this very moment will you find out tmr when the sun rises. I still go with what I say then "I think you will get a boyfriend first. I will need quite some time to get one(bcos of you)" From the bottom of my heart, yes....hope you realli get someone nice soon? And perhaps i'll forget abt you? Or perhaps tt will be the end of our see-saw relationship.

I said I matured quite a bit in years and I agree...i can see the maturity in myself. Thinking often for others rather than others thinking for me....so much so that sometimes i expect them to spare a thought for me or expect something in return. But perhaps not so....i'm acting like a 26 year old guy...i'm quite certain...or maybe even 24, 25...becos of friends like kai, keith, kelvin etc. Realli fortunate to have met them...although it looks or sounds strange i'm mixing with pple that are much older and probably doing things beyond my age, i learnt alot from them. Abt life, abt logical thinking, abt the society....though all may not be good but i like to tink i know what is good for me and what is not. Does that somehow brings my disappointment to friends who are same age or younger than me? That they treat friendships lightly, that they forget good pple fast, that they only have eyes for their partners, that they only tink abt themselves and not spare a thought for pple? sometimes i wonder if they noe how i tink and there....my older friends show me that they been through this b4 and they noe me...perhaps this has realli affected my life a fair bit. I start to tink pple do not value me even for the things i did for them....start to tink maybe i shouldnt treat them as nice since i'm not getting the same treatment. But kenny always remains kenny...he is always soft hearted and try to be selfless. I wonder when this "mission" to be number 1 mr nice guy gonna end....its tiring being one.....and I don't wan to be one...end of the day....who rems u? who comes back to you and say "kenny, thanks for the things you done for me...." who calls you up occasionally and ask how are you? Nobody....sad to say....they don't even keep promises any more. Which is why i treasure my elder friends alot, always there....though they dun ask wats wrong...they know wats wrong....makes you wonder if there's someone out there always looking after you. Perhaps your partner.....ya...but don't think i'm anywhere near that....don't think any gal can accept a 22 who tinks and tok like a 26....too mature...so mature its almost like forcing a gal whos out of a cocoon just to grow up with you....ya...quite sure there's no gal like tt....will be quite scary for her....and the ordeal she need to go through...
Haiz...hope i can blog more...makes me feel kinda better...provided i can rem my password...haha...in the next couple of months...i hope i make more friends, best is be happy...haven been realli happy for a long time....hope i like what ever i am doing and everything goes well...so that behind that smile can be a real smile soon...hope to meet that smile that make me smile too soon....cya